when the cold wind blows
by rcngshdws
Summary: Four times Hinami told Ayato to behave. Collection of Ayahina fics, more to be added later. Rated M for future fics.
1. a simple act of

1.

"Behave."

"I just beat you and you want me to _behave_?"

Hinami lays on her back with one arm drapes on her face, and she's still breathless after the sparing with Ayato. One kick from him ended it all.

He holds one hand toward her, but she shakes her head and tries to get up by herself, grimacing at the pain and thought of bruises covering her arms and legs.

"That's not what I meant-ugh." She groans when she finally stands up, bending over with hands on her knees. "Don't hold back."

Ayato stills, knowing exactly what she means and he waits for her to continue.

"You're stronger than me, and we both know that. But one day-mark my words-I will beat you."

He can't hide the smirk on his face when he hears she was trying to be intimidate when, really, who would be intimidated by _Hinami_?

"I know you found it funny," she points one finger toward him. "But one day, _I will beat you_."

"And was that even the point?"

"Okay, and we both know one day I will face the enemy stronger than you-"

This time, he doesn't even smirk. For about three years the Aogiri Tree keeps her hidden from the Doves, because they know it's the best she won't get caught and revealed she's the part of the Tree. But sooner or later, she will face the CCG and fight-and Ayato is supposed to teach her how to defend herself.

Except that it's true; he holds his strength back when he's fighting her.

"-and I don't want you to hold back, if you want me to beat the Doves. Oh, and one black eye won't hurt, Ayato."

...and he also prevents her face from getting bruised.

He stills, not saying yes nor no, not shaking his head nor nodding. He simply doesn't do anything, which is his way to show he disagrees. It used to frustrate her, but not so anymore; she knows him long enough to play along.

She bumps her fist to his arm lightly while walking past him. "Thank you, though, for today."

He watches her walking away, and wonders if there's any way he can protect her.

 _Don't be stupid_ , he thinks.

2.

"Behave."

He has seen her laughing, crying, or both; laughing until tears rolling on her face. But he has never seen her so angry.

He could not imagine her with flushed face, eyes so determined and hard, and mouth ready to say sharp words he never knew she could say that.

Yet Hinami in front of him is all that; with her arms hanging on her sides, clenching fists like she's almost ready to punch him. Hard. And the thought of that makes him wincing. While he still manages to keep the bruises off her face, he _did_ have black eye from her many times. Let's call it some progression.

And she said the word in her low voice-he almost didn't expect it. He'd have thought she'd be the type to scream her hatred at the top of her lungs.

"Don't call him that to mock me."

 _Kaneki_ , Ayato wants to correct her. It's been years and yet Hinami never calls the one-eyed ghoul with his name, or even _onii-chan._ She refers to Kaneki simply with pronouns: he, his, him. As if Kaneki is already dead, which he probably has. Many say so.

But Ayato underestimates how she feels about her loss of _onii-chan_.

He sees her taking breaths before speaking again.

"Ayato," she says, her voice back to normal, only slightly quavering. "Did you... see them getting killed right in front of you?"

He does not need to ask whom she's referring to. His parents. He shakes his head.

"I didn't see my father either but... my mother... the only thing keeping me from seeing her killed right before my eyes was his hands..." He can't see her face but he notices her body is trembling.

"So... don't call him that, will you? I-"

He does what he knows is the right thing: stepping closer to pull her in his arms, making her body stop trembling, making her feeling safe. If only for a moment. And needless to say, he already regrets ever mocking Kaneki.

"There's no _onii-chan_ anymore." She continues, her voice muffled through his clothes

He realizes he never knew the reason she joined the Tree. He thought she just couldn't find Touka or anyone she knew from Anteiku.

While Ayato has a reason to join the Tree, while he has someone to protect, Hinami has nobody. And with Kaneki being gone and Touka is somewhere, Hinami does not know where to go. She knows the CCG still hunts her.

He grips her tighter. If only, if only, if only.

If only her parents never got killed.

If only Touka didn't kill the Dove.

If only Ayato did not come to search for Rize but found Kaneki instead.

If only the CCG never attacked Anteiku.

If only they both were not ghouls.

He wants to laugh at himself, he has more become like his father.

Because of her.

3.

"Behave."

"You expect me to behave to a ghoul who could be a thread to the Tree? Excuse me if I found it unacceptable."

"Nishiki is _not_ a threatened to us. He hates the CCG too, okay?"

"But he also hates-"

Ayato is about to reply about how Nishiki might hate Aogiri too, when Hinami stands on her tiptoes, one hand placed on the back of his neck to pull him closer as she presses her lips against his.

Her lips are warmer than he expects. He kisses her back, softly at first. Then it becomes desperate; one of his hand on her hair, one on her waist to pull her closer and it was not enough.

"This is my only chance, Ayato." She whispers when she breaks the kiss, her hands are on his chest and he has no idea when they got there. "Please?"

He stares at her eyes and remembers their conversation, her being angry at him, and her voice full of hopelessness... he nods.

4.

"Behave."

He stares at the man curling up and suddenly feels pity. Ha. He sure has become more and more like his father each day.

"When you join the Aogiri, you can't simply leave." He explains.

That man, Saeki, mumbles something Ayato cannot understand-something about his face has already been exposed. And so Ayato calls his name again.

"Saeki."

 _"Behave."_ He hears Hinami's voice in his head.

 _"I want to go with you." It was not a plead, it was a demanding he could not fulfill._

 _"Too dangerous." was his only answer as he took his black rabbit mask._

 _"What are the odds? I've been outside to deliver the messages."_

 _"Hinami," it felt different when he called her name. He usually called her Fueguchi but after that kiss... suddenly, calling her Hinami feels more intimate while calling her Fueguchi feels a bit weird. "There'll be CCG. And you're staying here. Save your questions later."_

 _He was about to walk away when he felt a hand grip his arm. The touch was already familiar to him._

 _"Behave." She whispered._

This time he obliges to behave to the coward running away to hide his identity. But don't they all run away to protect themselves or people they love?

Still, no matter what. He does what she wants him to do. For her sake. Even if the person he'll ask about is indeed the same person he used to hate so much.

"Wasn't there a guy named Sasaki, amongst the Quinckes?"


	2. Day Off

surrounded by humans make ayato nervous. not that it's something hinami just acknowledges, though.

"hina-"

"for the sixteenth times, ayato," she interrupts, eyes still on the words in the book she's holding. "we're here because you agree to come with me to the signing event of my favorite author."

which is not entirely true, but what can she say, really?

*for the sixteenth times, ayato, we're here because tatara asked us to guard eto because the doves are desperate and decide to keep an eye out to those mentioning ghouls, and takatsuki sen also decided to write a book about ghouls. what a perfect time. coincidence, no? well, not that eto can't keep herself safe.*

ayato's still mumbling something about, *not that i agree for this in the first place*, and *damn tatara for giving me this mission*.

if there's one thing hinami learns about ayato after three years knowing him, she'd say it's how he *can't* handle himself being in a crowded place. it's an entirely different thing if he's the one leading a big group, but to be the *part* of that big group... is not his favorite, certainly.

so hinami decides to do something they both don't expect her to do: she grabs his hand, squeezing it to make sure he knows she's there. he's not alone in this mission.

"better?" she asks in a low voice. he murmurs something which sounds like a *yes* to her.

it doesn't take a long time for them to finally meet the famous, best-selling author, takatsuki sen. of course, they have to pretend they're *not* here to guard eto, the woman behind the takatsuki sen mask. hinami finds it clever that eto never wears mask, but wrap bandages around her face and body.

"ah, such a cute couple!" takatsuki sen chirps, making both ayato and hinami froze, because she really sounds like eto back home. and for once they forget they're in a bookstore, with many people behind them, waiting to get in touch with their favorite author. and hinami wonders what if they know who-*what* takatsuki sen is.

takatsuki sen-eto-eyes their holding hands and hinami snaps herself out of her daydream, and lets go of her hand. ayato frowns at her, before it finally dawns on him-and red creeps on his face and his tangling hand moves to rub his nape as he looks at the other way-clearly avoiding takatsuki sen's knowing look.

hinami hands her the book. "he-hello, takatsuki-san."

"hina!" takatsuki sen exclaims cheerfully. "you've grown up! the last i saw you, you were still this tiny girl, but look at you now! all tall and pretty, and a young woman! and you find yourself a fine young man as well!" she blabbers instead of signing the book, putting a hand under her chin, clearly interested in them more.

"j-just sign the book!"

to hinami's surprise, it is *ayato* whose face gets even more red, as he scratches the back of his head and avoids their eyes.

"okay," eto-takatsuki sen-*damn it, what are they supposed to call her?* hums as she reaches for a pen. "hinami, is it? and what's the young man's name?"

*as if you don't know yourself,* ayato wants to say, but thinks better and lets hinami answer.

"eh... it's ayato." she replies with a low voice, and he doesn't know if she's also nervous just like he is, or is it because she doesn't like her name being called out.

once, she has told him about how the doves have known her identity and she had to disguise herself whenever she was going out. but still, she wears the alias *yotsume* with grace and always, *always* pouts him whenever he accidentally called her name when they were in a mission together.

"ayato...," takatsuki sen scribbles the name on the front page of the book. "and hinami." she puts her signature under their names, and ayato notices takatsuki sen has written more words, but before he could see it, she is already closing the book and handing it to him.

"here," she says brightfully. "have a good day, you two. any plan to go somewhere else after this?"

"uh..." hinami receives the book without saying anything else but mumbling her confusion; surely their job is just to protect eto and they can go home, right?

"i have a friend coming over here," takatsuki sen tells them, smiling suspiciously that even ayato has to stay still and meet her gaze. "oh, actually, he's here. he'll accompany me."

*friend* is a codename for them to know that other aogiri members are coming to take their place. it's easy to remember, easy to come up with more lies. without any more thinking, hinami nods, with knowingly look.

"that must be great, takatsuki-san, we'll better go now." she says, smiling.

"ah, the weather's nice though. you can go out all day and probably night, without getting caught in the rain."

hinami glances at ayato, but he just shrugs and walks away. she is about to follow him, after mumbling her thanks to takatsuki sen, and she hears her calling out,

"see ya later, chan-hina!"

"what the hell was that?" ayato whispers to no one, but she hears him-she *always* hears him, and turns her head to look at him, all the while walking side by side (no holding hands this time, the sidewalk is actually less crowded).

"i think she told us we have a day off."

"a day off?" he stops walking, expecting her to stop too and explain to him. but she doesn't. she just looks over her shoulder to see him.

"come on, ayato, let's make this day off worthwhile."

at first, ayato has no idea where she'll take him. but when she opens the door and the smell of coffee comes out, *ah*, he thinks. *i should've known it.*

the coffeeshop is small but comfortable, and quiet. ayato has rather grown to the noise made by other aogiri members fighting, or debating over small little things (it's mostly naki), that he forgets what it's like to have *silence*.

hinami takes a place by the windows, he follows and takes a seat in front of her. she orders two cups of coffee, while he takes a look at the coffeeshop. he spots a shelve full of card, and board games. hinami notices him looking at it.

"want to play?"

he shakes his head, "not really."

"come on, you *don't* even know how to play old maid! i'll teach you."

he doesn't even have time to complain when she gets up and takes some board games. he eyes some of them; monopoly, chess, and... snakes and ladders?

"these are all my favorite. i don't bring the card because playing for two is not really fun, i'll say."

"are we... really playing this?" he asks, sounding unsure, because he thought she was going here for coffee.

"yeah! i miss playing this, and actually, i've been wondering *what* are you doing in your free time, ayato?"

"uh, training?"

she rolls her eyes. "if you're training then that's *not* your free time. come on, this is fun, really."

"i don't know how-"

"i'll teach you," she interrupts. "there's *always* the first time to everything, right?"

so he just sighs and lets her happily explaining the rules to him.

"so the knight moves just like a shape of 'L'. and if i take your king, that's a checkmate. you lose."

*this is going to be a long day.*

when, in fact, it is not. and ayato has engrossed in the games already he does not realize how much time has passed.

"stop hearing my thoughts, hinami."

"uh, i have super-hearing power, but i'm not a mind reader. checkmate, by the way."

"shit."

"the reason you buy many properties is because you're the banker."

"shut up, ayato, that's not true."

"why do you have to *always* win?"

"it's the dice."

"that's not fair! again!"

"fine, ayato."

after many games and many losses-to ayato-they finally call it quit.

while walking to the aogiri compound after the sun set, they can't stop talking and laughing about the games.

("ayato, you were *cheating*."

"i did not!"

"*yes you did.*")

and they both have forgotten the last time they laughed, until their stomach hurt.

they are holding hands-without realizing who started it first. but when they get near to the compound, they grow quiet. because after all, the night has fallen, the day will go, life will continue tomorrow.

none of them wants the day to end.

still holding hands, they quietly walk to her door. the compound has-surprisingly-been quiet. they forget if others have a mission or probably have fallen asleep in their room.

"thank you for today, ayato," she says, once they are in front of her door.

his answer is only a smile. and neither of them seems want to let go of the hands.

she's also smiling, but it fades from her face when he steps closer.

*in books, why do they always end with a kiss after a date?* she had asked him, after reading a contemporary romance that actually was not her cup of tea, but she didn't get any other choice since she ran out of books. his answer was a shrug, he also didn't know himself.

but then, she stares at his lips, wondering what it's like to be kissed by those lips.

he leans in, and she closes her eyes. she feels his breath coming closer... and his lips press against hers. except it is too hard and fast their teeth clack against each other.

they let go fast-too fast than they ever expect, and both of them are staring at each other with wide eyes, clearly not expecting *that* to happen.

but they start laughing.

"hahaha, hina, i am *so* sorry, but i-" his sentence is cut off by his own laughter, and soon hers follow.

"that's so weird, i have to admit." she replies.

"true," he nods. and soon they stop, the silence surrounding them again. they glance at anywhere else but their eyes.

the truth is, their first kiss wasn't so bad. hinami's lips were soft, and ayato's tasted like coffee. and they want *more*. but neither of them know how to start without clacking their teeth.

but one has to start.

this time, it is *hinami* standing on her tiptoes, pulling him by the collar, and kiss him.

that is *so much* better than their first. they start getting used to it, and it's-*warm*, everywhere. eventually, they have to stop for taking a breath. they both are breathless and flushed and smiling.

"i-better go," he says.

she nods, "okay." when in truth she *wants* him to stay.

he-again-steps closer but this time, he presses his lips against her forehead, his arms around her waist, and she lets herself feeling relaxed in his arms.

"good night," he says, letting her go. she feels cold wind against her skin and resists the urge to wrap her arms around herself.

"good night, ayato."

he smiles again, and walks away. she watches him for a moment, still smiling unconsciously, and gets her key.

without their knowing, two people have been watching from the roof.

"i knew this is a good idea." eto giggles. tatara can only grunt as his answer.


	3. You, Again

_Well_ , Ayato thinks. _This is it. I want to know if she's avoiding me or if we're breaking up._

Neither of the thoughts comforts him. But he can't come up with any other reason why Hinami has not returned his calls and messages for the past two days. And she also didn't show up in class. Many people have asked him where she's about. And who knows what would they have said if he answered he also had no idea himself.

Okay, Ayato's _worried_. Hinami lives alone, if something ever happens to her, it'll take days for anyone-for _him_ -to find out. That, and the fact she always loses a hold of her phone because she's reading or studying. But she always, always calls him back.

So he decided to grab a spare key-"For emergency, and your need for cuddle is _not_ emergency, Ayato-kun." she had said once-and went to her apartment.

The place is rather quiet; unlike his dorm where it is full of college boys and drinking and pranks and girls' moans. (He promises himself to never bring Hinami to his place.) When he stands in front of her door, he hears nothing. Not even footsteps, not even her voice. Nothing. He isn't sure if she's home.

But where would she go? It isn't like, she has no place to stay over, but her parents have passed away. Her step-brother lives not so far, and she always chooses to sleep in her place rather than having Kaneki sacrificing his bed for her. Not to mention there's Ayato's sister, whom Hinami lived with after Ayato had moved out. But Touka always lets him know about Hinami's visits.

He steps inside, and finds no presence of her. The TV is turned off, there's a book on the table, but everything is such a mess. Plates left not washed on the sink, dirty clothes _everywhere_ , and there's this stain of dripping coffee made its way from the coffee maker to her room.

Ah, right, _her room_.

It's _really_ dark, with the lights still turned off and the curtains still hanging-and _is that Hina?_

He walks slowly, unsure, to the bulge on the bed. "Hey," he places a hand to what he's sure is Hina's shoulder. "Hinami?" he shakes her slowly.

"A.… yato?" He hears a whisper, and sees her face after: her eyes are glossy and unfocused, her cheeks reddening and covered with sweats. He just realizes how *hot* she feels under his palm. Wait-

"Do you... have fever?"

She coughs, "Yeah. Uh, why are you here?"

 _Is it just me, or the fever has made her gone mad,_ he keeps that to himself, of course.

"I was worried, you know," he explains. "You didn't show up in class, you never called me back. So yeah, I was _worried_." His voice emphasizes on the last word.

"Well, as you can see, I am perfectly okay-"

"Have you eaten something? Have you taken your medicine?"

"... I guess?"

It takes nearly half an hour to convince Hinami that she can bear his cooking a bit, to make her gulp down the paracetamol, and to tuck her in bed.

It takes nearly two hours and a half to clean up the apartment. Well, not that his dorm room is free from germ or something like that, but _at least_ the apartment is not as filth as it was before.

He sits at the edge of the bed, making it jiggle and she stirs. Opening her eyes, she mumbles,

"Ayato."

He strokes her hair as a reply. The fever has gone down, but she still has it. "You feeling better?"

"You're here." She repeats, as if to herself, as if she doesn't hear his question.

"Uh, I am...?" He frowns; she has been acting weird, such as asking about his well-being. "You should sleep." He readjusts the blanket around her. Her hand grabs his.

"Stay?"

He obliges. He lies beside her, wrapping an arm around her, feeling the familiar warm weight against his chest. And he finally feels like he belongs to something, somewhere.

They grow up together. It was always the four of them: Kaneki, Hinami, Touka, and Ayato. Until the older ones mind their own business, and Kaneki moved out for college. Then Touka decided to open a cafe on her own, :re, and invited Ayato to live with her.

But Ayato and Hinami are _inseparable_. Everyone expects them to marry each other. Everyone expects them to be childhood sweetheart turns into high school sweetheart turns into happily young, married couple. They are right, not for the latter part though, because they are only freshmen in college.

And then _that_ happened. A car accident. She lost both of her parents a year ago. They were all devastated, after all. Asaki and Ryouko Fueguchi were like their parents; with Touka and Ayato having lost theirs when they were really young. Asaki and Ryouko took care of the siblings, and had Kaneki under their care. But _Hinami_ was their blood and flesh.

She started to change. More distant, more cold look in her eyes, more half-hearted smile.

Everyone was worried when she announced she was finding a place-a _smaller_ place to stay. Touka had asked her to move in, Kaneki also had, and it wasn't that Ayato had any other place than his dorm room. But it was settled.

Things between Ayato and Hinami do not really change. He can sense she just needs some time and place to be alone, and he lets her. She also doesn't like to make him worry more and more, so she always returns his calls whenever possible.

But they never talk about _that_. And Ayato is left guessing by himself if she's truly okay.

"I was being stupid," she starts. "When you rubbed my hair... I was thinking it was my mother."

He lets her have it; have a moment to reveal it all.

"I... just want to _disappear_. After everything. After I have no family left. Which is... stupid. I still have Kaneki-nii-chan, but-it's _different_." She sniffs, and he can see how hard she is trying not to cry. "I... miss them _so much_. I was being so stupid to think I was alone. And before you came, I just... wondered what it was like to go... to wherever they went."

He keeps rubbing on her back, listening.

"I'm sorry," she whispers.

"Go back to sleep," he replies, pushing away a strand of her hair from her eyes. He presses his lips against her forehead. "Even if we're not together... in this way, I am _still_ your family. _We're your family_." His mouth moves down to her eyelids, and he kisses the tears and whispers things about she's not alone and he's there, he's there living the moment with her. He keeps rambling about things until he realizes she has already been asleep.

She has a habit of clutching the front of his clothes when she sleeps. Making him cannot go anywhere. Not that he wants to. He stays, just like what he was asked. His hand still makes a little circle on her back. He hears a murmur from her, calling for her parents. His hand keeps making the little circle, his lips on her hair.

He closes his eyes.

He smells coffee, and wakes up to a cup of it, on the bedside table. Hinami is sitting at the edge of the bed, with one hand on his hair, and eyes silently watch whatever outside the window.

He tries to sit up. She quickly turns her head to him, and smiles.

"How do you feel?" He asks, pulling out a hand to touch her forehead. The fever is gone.

"A lot better." She smiles, grasping his hand that is on her face. "Thank you."

He smiles, feeling something warm in his chest, to see her smiling like that. After... last night.

"You okay?" He finally asks.

She nods. And that is the answer he needs, as he knows she means it.

"You still need to rest."

She nods, certainly ignoring the fact the coffee is going to get cold. But he likes cold coffee, he likes *everything* she makes. They lie side by side, facing each other. Her arm around him, her hand clutches his shirt.


End file.
